The Quibbler
The Wizarding World's Alternative Voice
Issue No.
82
Issue Index:
Page 1
* Letter from the Editor
* BREAKING NEWS: Time Turner Conspiracy?
* NEWS: Notorious Nooms - The Auror Arrested!
Page 2
* INTERVIEW: Staff - New Rule
* INTERVIEW: Students - New Legacy
Page 3
* SPORTS: Quidditch Corner
* SPORTS: Chess Chamber
Page 4
* Advice Corner
* LOL Corner
Page 5
* Horoscopes
Letter from the Editor
by Aeri Song
Dear Readers,
I hope that you enjoyed reading this issue of the Quibbler. I’m so happy to be the new editor! It has been such a pleasure to work with everyone and I appreciate the hard work all of my staff put into making this issue happen. Now before I get too sappy, I thought that my first letter would be a letter of introduction so everyone could get to know me.
My username on myHogwarts is Aeri Song and I joined in Year 43 before being sorted into Ravenclaw. During my years at Hogwarts, I played Seeker for the Quidditch team, I became the Quidditch Captain and held this badge for several years, I also was a Prefect for one year, earned various awards, and held various student jobs. After working hard and persevering, I graduated in Year 49. The only thing I struggled with was that my time zone is so different from almost everyone on the site 😄 as I currently live in South Korea.
My current jobs on the site include being the Co-Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Innkeeper, Summer Activities Coordinator, and Editor of course, cause otherwise, I wouldn’t be writing this 😊. I’ve been so happy working alongside the other employees of the Quibbler to bring this issue to you. I have to thank Jenna and Ella for helping me become adjusted and for answering my multitude of questions 😄. I also have to thank our writers Isabella and Megara for working so hard to write several articles for this issue. I won’t forget to thank obsidian (now pelagia), our graphic designer, for designing this issue. Lastly, I want to thank you, our readers, for reading this issue!
I am so thankful to be a part of the Quibbler and I hope to be here for a very long time. I would also like to welcome our writers who will make an appearance next issue, Reyna Walles, kitdiamond, and Aephelia! Plus, let's not forget the new Owl Keeper headlesghost! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this issue and please look forward to the next issue!
BREAKING NEWS: Time Turner Conspiracy?
by obsidian
The Quibbler has stumbled upon a potential conspiracy - and just in the nick of time! 😉
Odd Times...
This all started during Match 3 of Ravenpuff vs Slytherdor. For a short while on the first day of the match, observers of the game may have wondered if everything was okay with team Slytherdor. During Madam Hooch's second update, Slytherdor Chaser Cyane Blackthorn posted to catch the Quaffle... and then a little over two hours later, fellow Chaser Ashftslipknot14 (Morgan) also posted to catch the Quaffle with the same answer! This odd behavior was answered during Hooch's next update when it was clarified that Cyane missed the Quaffle due to her stay in the Hospital Wing. While Morgan successfully caught the Quaffle, unfortunately, she was immediately injured by a bludger which sent the Quaffle into freefall!
One would think the bizarre behavior of the Slytherdor team ended there, as Cyane quickly swooped back in to catch the Quaffle with the clarification that she was using a time turner to rejoin the match. But then ninety minutes later the team's third Chaser obsidian 😉 posted with the same answer to catch the Quaffle - huh?! Once again, Madame Hooch flew to the rescue with an explanation in her following update:
"But now, on to a more serious concern... It has been brought to my attention that there seems to be an issue revolving around Time-Turners and their possession by the Quidditch players. While some have purchased Time-Turners in previous years, there seems to be no record of them being processed or placed in their vaults. We are actively working on the situation and trying to find ways to amend it."
Time to Make a Discovery
I am not normally a Quibbler journalist, however, due to my role on the Slytherdor team I of course have access to the Slytherdor Locker Room... which quickly spiraled into talks of a conspiracy during that first day of the match! After Cyane's post to Hooch's second update, she realized she had forgotten to specify in her post that she was using a time turner and so requested that another Chaser repost the answer to ensure that Slytherdor gained possession of the Quaffle. Cyane then double-checked her vault and discovered that she couldn't find a time turner in there! Discussion quickly ensued in the Locker Room, when Reiluna and obsidian checked their vaults for time turners and couldn't find one in their vaults either!
All three players remember purchasing time turners back in Y57 when the Blackthorn Cup dueling tournament returned, and it was confirmed that dueling injuries resulting in a stay in the Hospital Wing would have an impact on any ongoing Quidditch matches. A quick check with Borgin and Burke's showed that any orders placed during Y57 are no longer visible. If memory serves, the shop hired a new employee sometime around Y57 so it is possible that the orders fell through the cracks during the employee transition... It is also very possible that sometime between then and now, someone has snuck into Gringotts vaults and removed or destroyed any time turners they came across! Morgan checked and had a time turner in her vault, but she purchased it less than 2 weeks before so it could have been after the other time turners were stolen or destroyed!
Rewinding Back to the Locker Room
When Hooch made her third update, Cyane knew that obsidian wasn't immediately available to catch the Quaffle in freefall so she dove down to catch it. Cyane visited Borgin and Burke's to request a new time turner but was worried that its absence from her vault would invalidate her post. Thus, once I was available again Cyane requested I post to catch the Quaffle just to be safe. After some laughter about how bizarre our actions must seem, I commented that "this time turner stuff almost feels like a conspiracy". Cyane suggested, "Maybe the Death Eater stole them? 😲" and Reiluna asked "Is that the gap year theme? 😲" Suddenly, all of the Slytherdors were left wondering at the possibilities of this conspiracy. Was there someone messing with the timeline? Would we all be sent to an alternate reality during the soon-approaching Gap Year?!
Ichigo Mirai then hopped into the Locker Room on Hooch's behalf to let the team know that Madam Hooch was aware of the "time turner situation" and was working on it. But what is the situation? That several Slytherdors were missing time turners from their vaults? Or that the Slytherdor team had unwittingly stumbled upon secret plans made by the Mugwumps?! Either way, Ichigo's conveniently (or suspiciously) timed comment somewhat sidetracked the team from delving further in search of the truth.
Is Hooch aware of this conspiracy? Looking back at the beginning of the match, these were her opening words (with emphasis being mine): "Welcome to the last match of the season until Year 61! My [how] time flies.... Seems it was just yesterday that we were meeting on the pitch for the first of our little fun games. Now! I hope I don't have to remind you to all have a nice, clean game... Let's have some fun!" Was Hooch innocently commenting on how fast the year has passed by? Or hinting at something deeper, and perhaps more sinister?
The former head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Nooms, is about to go on trial for her questionable management of the department. Was illegal seizure or destruction of time turners among her list of crimes? Is this part of a plot to escape Azkaban or attempt to exonerate herself? At the same time, SusanHP is the new head of the Department of Mysteries, where the nature of time is studied. Maybe the disappearance of the time turners is due to a plot originating with the Unspeakables?
Perhaps this is all just a series of coincidences. Perhaps this is just the beginning of a larger web of deception. Only time will tell.
Notorious Nooms - The Auror Arrested!
by Isabella
It was the final day of Year 58... Some students were excitedly getting ready for Summer Camp, others were frantically submitting their last-minute assignments... Professors and Head of Houses alike were wrapping up their end-of-year preparations... A scrumptious feast was being prepared in the kitchens for everyone to enjoy... Until disaster stroke, the unexpected news falling like a lightning bolt on the otherwise peaceful school and tipping the scales forever, disrupting whatever sense of balance once ruled over the pleasantly chaotic halls...
"Did you hear the news?!"
"I could never have imagined... Our own Head of House..."
"Are we sure this is even true? I mean, this is Skeeter we are talking about..."
"What are we going to do now, without a DADA Professor?!"
Those whispers and more were all you could hear around the castle following the horrifying announcement. But all of you innocent readers might be asking... What kind of announcement was so unbelievably disastrous that managed to shake an entire school to its core? And how could I ever call myself a good reporter if I allowed you to read through this article without answering your questions?
That fateful day of September, all site members received a strange message, from an old but not very friendly face... Rita Skeeter. You know her... Blond hair, bejewelled glasses, always poking around other people's business? Yeep, that's her alright! What was the message about, you ask? It contained one of Skeeter's newly written articles, titled "Mutiny at the Ministry", which provided detailed information about how the Department of Magical Law Enforcement (also known as the DMLE, for short) was led by "a hard-liner"... Skeeter's words, not mine! And who else could she be talking about other than Nooms, beloved Hufflepuff Head of House, Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor, Head of the DMLE and general Alumni extraordinaire?
To summarize the aforementioned article as briefly as my love for the written word allows me, Skeeter asserted that Nooms, greatly loved and respected around our school, was a "paranoid" individual, unfit to teach and foster the young minds and even more unfit to run a department that thrives on promoting justice and maintaining order around the wizarding community. Skeeter's sources spoke of dangerous practicals taking place inside the school, behind the closed doors of the DADA classroom, of brutal tests enforced on Nooms' DMLE employees to ensure their physical superiority, of frightened students and overworked subordinates... The picture she painted was alarming, to say the least. Following Skeeter's rather colourful article, investigations were instantly set up both at Hogwarts and at the DMLE, seeking to confirm or refute those horrific claims that would for sure besmirch both the school's and the Ministry's reputation. By the end of the day, enough evidence had been uncovered to lead to Nooms' detainment, her being relieved of her duties prior to her transfer to Azkaban...
Public opinion was torn. There were those that deeply loved and respected Nooms (myself among them), thus finding it impossible to believe that their favourite Ninja Badger had been arrested and led to Azkaban like many of the criminals she had detained in the past. And there were those that felt this development was long overdue... We do not speak of those people. The Headmistress and Minister of Magic Memrah made a public announcement following the devastating event, informing the general population about the official report filed against the former Hufflepuff Head and about the open investigation that would examine all accusations and claims made against her by credible and not-so-credible sources. Detained on suspicion of falsifying documents and other crimes of that nature... that was the official line of the investigation and the cause of Nooms' imprisonment in Azkaban. No one yet knows how the situation will develop in the future...
After reassuring students and Alumni alike that no one was under any sort of danger, the Headmistress moved on to pass the mantle of Hufflepuff Head to a new, enthusiastic candidate... Ichigo Mirai, most commonly known to those she is close with as Chel. A former Hufflepuff herself and most notably known for her stint as temporary Hufflepuff Head of House during the infamous Admin Takeover (which we do not speak of around here!!), Chel took up her new role with a heavy heart... but her desire to be a worthy Head for her beloved House has proven to be greater than anyone could have imagined. Now a permanent part of the Admin team, Chel's appointment as Head of House marked the end of an era... and the start of a new one.
And now, life moves on... Nooms is currently stationed in a well-guarded cell in Azkaban, filled to the brim with technological and electronic equipment and devices to prevent her from employing her magic to escape. Her trial is still pending, the load of information and documents that will need to be examined beforehand making this trial a rather faraway event. Adjustments have been made to fill the many open positions Nooms left in her wake and the DMLE is currently undergoing changes, aiming to be brought back to full speed following this unfortunate event. How and when will this situation reach its end? No one knows. All I can say is that life around Hogwarts will never be the same without Nooms... But take it from someone who has worked side by side with our dear Ninja Badger for years... She will be back.
