ONE DISASTER
AT A TIME...
Quibbler Quest: Writers and PIGEONS
by White_Star
For this Quibbler Quest, I will be telling a tale that all writers are familiar with. Now you may be thinking that this is a well known story or a fairytale, but no, instead it is a common experience. The experience of writing a Quibbler article, or more accurately, the quest to write a Quibbler Quest.
For those of you who know me, you’ll know I’m good at procrastinating. As a result, I get to spend large amounts of time being hounded by my favorite person, our dearest Quibbler editor, Kath. But back to the quest at hand. The writer’s journey starts when the article deadline is first posted. This is usually about two weeks before things are due, and at this point, writers are still optimistic. I had faith in myself, I believed I would write my article on time. I even put an alarm on my phone. Then over the course of the next few weeks, any time I would consider writing my articles, I always just procrastinate because I still had time.
And then the articles were due, and of course mine were not in... because I’m responsible. Said no one ever. But anyways... it is now the night before the Quibbler is published, and I am being pestered by my fave Kath. And she’s over there telling me to write my article and I’m just all... "pigeons".
Why pigeons? 'Cause I’m exhausted. It’s midnight and Kath just wants me to write something and all my brain can think of: PIGEONS. And eventually Kath is like:
Because Kath is so desperate to get me to actually write an article and I still have no idea what to write for my Quibbler Quest, I am writing about the writer’s experience and pigeons.
Basically this turns into a back and forth about pigeons…. Where I’m just like:
And Kath is insisting that I need to write my article as soon as possible. And my response:
And you see, it wasn’t a lie! My article is now complete! Hope you enjoyed this journey through the interaction between a Quibbler writer and an editor... a story told through pigeons.
Unnecessary Advice with Nicole
Unnecessary Advice with Kath
Hello, hello! Welcome back to another hijacked advice column. I'm afraid Nicole is a bit... preoccupied. Uh, nothing sinister meant! She's just buried under a pile of departmental regulations and paperwork... which may have been caused by my last jaunt into the MoM but that's for another time! Anywayyyys, I'm here to offer you the most valuable advice you could ever want! How to take over the Quibbler.
I know that many of you reading this article would love to work for The Quibbler but what if you could do something even better? Run the Quibbler! Now, I recently staged a coup and took the Quibbler by force from the last editor, awesome_forever, who is still MIA. I'd even say that her disappearance accounts for more than half of Nicole's nasty paperwork. Now, staging a coup is not easy, but I'll break it down step by step for you.
Number One. Ensure that the person in charge of The Quibbler is preoccupied. That could mean setting several dungbombs or portable swamps in their office or just casually shoving them in a broken Vanishing cabinet. Anything that will get them out of your way while you work on the rest of your plan.
Number Two. Establish connections with the people currently working at the Quibbler. This will ensure that when it comes time to announce your coup, they will be receptive to working with you. Now, this is much easier to do if you have friends already working at the Quibbler or if not, be sure to send them pictures of cheese or just notify them of suspicious behaviour around the site which will definitely get you on their good side. If all else fails, send cookies. Cookies always work.
Number Three. Badger the writers constantly so they start to associate you with annoyance. This is vital for anyone aspiring for an Editor position at The Quibbler since the editor must be the most annoying, obnoxious, evil, chaotic pest the writer has ever met. Without this, you will never be a true editor of The Quibbler.
Number Four. Notify admin that you've taken over The Quibbler and have the support of the entire Quibbler team (even if that's not true, pretend it is). If admin question your abilities, just jot down some articles detailing conspiracy theories, preferably about the admin you are talking to, and show it to them. This will guarantee you your position as Quibbler Editor.
And now that you have your dream job, make sure no one else takes from you. Ideally, by not sharing the secret to staging a coup in a Quibbler article.
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