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The Beast Brief: Fwoopers, Controversy, and Petting Zoos

by Crystalink

Hello! I’m Crystalink, The Quibbler’s new consulting magizoologist, and welcome to my column, the Beast Brief, where I summarise recent creature-related happenings on myHogwarts.

During Week 4, Care of Magical Creatures Professor Memrah ran a practical over Fwoopers, where students performed the Silencing Charm on non-magical creatures and Fwoopers. At the same time, Ministry Informant Dolores Umbridge enacted her twelfth educational decree, requiring professors to submit risk assessments for their practicals. Fwoopers are birds with chirps that can drive listeners to insanity, so naturally, a practical involving them will have many risks, like students going insane or being unable to silence the Fwooper. Fortunately, Professor Memrah was still able to finish the practical without Umbridge breathing down her neck—maybe one of her CAs wrote her risk assessment for her? Regardless, her Week 5 practical will be over Hippogriffs, and there has been a history of Hippogriff-induced injuries at Hogwarts thanks to one Draco Malfoy, so we’ll just have to see what happens. 

Additionally, the Department of Magical Transportation announced a Ministry Open Day where each Ministry department opened activities and/or Q & A areas about what they do. The Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures (RMC) opened a petting zoo for the event, and mentioned two projects that were in the works—the Magizoo, which has been known to the site since before Jcink, and the Magidex, a collaboration book with Memrah about non-canon magical creatures. Notably, TheSmartpool, the RMC head, mentioned bringing in (trained) dragons into the petting zoo to eat a certain “menace dressed in pink.”

That’s it for this issue’s Beast Brief. See you next issue, and don’t forget to PM any creature-y conspiracies to Crystalink!

Word Search: New Beginnings

by: Hanii

Anne

Disa

Eba

Ichigo

JakeHP

Jenna

Jess

Liam

Memrah

Naomi

QueenNicole

SusanHP

Solve this puzzle and send Harmony203 a screenshot of the completed puzzle by PM to earn a stamp towards the title of Quibbler Puzzler of the Year (and cookies)! 

Forbidden Forest or Forbidden Farm?

by Crystalink

Recently, while I was wandering the Forbidden Forest and Woodland Glade for Care of Magical Creatures hijinks to write about, I noticed a small movement on a tree out of the corner of my eye. Upon further inspection, dozens of small, stick-like figures were climbing trees in the Forbidden Forest—bowtruckles, beasts that dwell on trees of wand wood quality and eat woodlice. I asked Professor Memrah about them, and she told me that the Hogwarts grounds were the only place where they could be found. 

That got me thinking, and I began to look further into my idea, approaching it from many different angles only to reach the same conclusion—Hogwarts hosts a secret wand wood farm in the Forbidden Forest. 

It may seem like a bit of a jump, but it’s what the evidence points to. Bowtruckles only live on wand wood quality trees, the grounds are the only place with Bowtruckles, and the Forbidden Forest makes up the majority of the trees on Hogwarts grounds. If the Forbidden Forest is the only place that is densely packed with wand wood quality trees, it must be where wand wood comes from. Hogwarts has an extreme magical atmosphere, which is why Muggle devices do not work in it. The atmosphere could cause mutations in the genetic coding of the trees in the Forbidden Forest, so that they have magical potential, making it the perfect place for a wand wood farm. Additionally, this would account for the many dangerous beasts residing in the Forbidden Forest. There is no reason why a school full of (mostly) qualified professors would allow their students to receive their education so close to a forest full of life-threatening creatures … unless those creatures were protecting something. On this particular occasion, they happen to be protecting the secret of a wand wood farm—while less exciting than the Philosopher’s Stone, it’s still, at the very least, mildly interesting. 

Now, my dear readers, you might be wondering, why would the wandmakers feel the need to keep this a secret? One reason they might be doing so is that wand wood is rare and precious, so it is wise to keep it safe. Keeping the farm secret would prevent it from being stolen from. However, this is a best-case scenario. They might be using controversial farming methods and keeping the entire farm a secret to prevent outrage in the community over said farming methods, or worse. Who knows? That’s up for you to decide. 

Even though I thirst to prove my theory and find more concrete evidence for it, I wouldn’t recommend doing so. Venturing into the Forbidden Forest is still dangerous, with all of the beasts protecting the wand wood farm. Plus, the current wandmakers are the former Headmaster and the current Deputy Headmistress, so if you get caught, well, you’re in for quite the ride. 

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