A New Year, Old Issues

Last week, our headmistress announced the instatement of one Dolores [censored] as Ministry Informant. This toad informant was given an office in the castle which she has named her “Pink Palace.” This attempt at posturing shows that [censored] is feeling quite insecure after her quality time with the dementors in Azkaban. It is noteworthy that Dolores [censored] spent 13 years in Azkaban, an unlucky number and omen, which one can only hope bodes ill for our lovely informant. As a former prominent Ministry employee, and current aide, [censored] matches our perpetrator’s modus operandi and could well be our next victim. 

Mere days after her welcome into the castle, [censored] issued her first decree, stating that students must travel in pairs and post within 15 minutes of each other in most parts of the castle after curfew (10 PM to 6 AM local time). Now, for our older readers, this dredges up unfond memories of Year 33, with [censored] as Hogwarts’ High Inquisitor. Perhaps you remember Decree #1, that boys and girls may not post within 8 minutes of each other? Or, Decree #8, that it is forbidden to distribute, read, or discuss “The Quibbler” at Hogwarts? 

To jog your memories, we have included an uncommon censorship in The Quibbler, reminiscent of when “The Quibbler” and “Theta Holmes,” the username of our editor of that time, was censored by our currently delightful ministry informant, Dolores [censored]. Now, it cannot be said that the castle did not give [censored] a warm welcome. After all, Slytherin prefect tashalouiise stopped by [censored]’s desk to drop off a pink teacup for her. As well, [censored] was featured in a recent release on the myHogwarts YouTube channel. 

All in all, I am quite surprised by the inclusion of Dolores [censored] in this investigation. After her 13 years in Azkaban, what useful information can she have possibly uncovered? Rather, I am quite surprised that she still seems so sane, or perhaps she was never quite sane to begin with…